Me and Chairman Mao

More Christmas ... Now Almost Seasonal.

Target has had their Christmas stuff out for weeks--I think they put it out with the Halloween stuff (you didn't know Nightmare Before Christmas was so influential, did you?)--so I figure I'm well within my rights to post a Christmas picture. Well, another Christmas picture, since the beer tree has already made an appearance.

Anyway, this is another one from the "A Christmas Story" chapter of my book--the upside down stencils.

For instance, the enterprising management office for our apartment complex had used red spray paint to stencil Christmas wreaths — complete with bells — on every window in every lobby of every building, but had put most of them upside down, presumably because none of them had actually seen a real Christmas wreath and didn't know any better.

I don't know why, but for some reason this cracked me up more than anything else about that Christmas--so close, and yet so far ...

Naked Snow Maidens!

Yes, it's my weekly provocative but totally misleading post title. See, for example, previous posts like Lesbian Hackers!, which only marginally touched on either of those subjects. (Insert your own joke about "touching" here.) (Follow that up by inserting one about "inserting" if you are feeling particularly amusing today, or if you've already started your weekend drinking.)

The good news is that this post does actually deal with naked snow maidens. And it includes pictures. The bad news is that said maidens are actually MADE out of snow. (Although I suppose Frosty the Snowman is probably really, REALLY excited right about now ...)

Anyway, another day, another photographic illustration of something from my stories that seems a little too bizarre to be true. Like the sculptures at the Harbin Snow & Ice festival, as described in "Fowl Play""

... or the titanic figure of Apollo majestically astride his chariot, surrounded by bare-breasted maidens, that made the baby-draped dragon look like a doorstop. And sure, it sounds like a strange subject for a sculpture, but it makes sense to me. After all, if you must be surrounded by maidens, I firmly believe that bare-breasted ones are the only way to go. It just makes sense.

And the photographic evidence--in two pictures, sadly, since the entire thing was too big to get in one shot. (Is it officially lame now to add "that's what she said!" onto things. I think so, but if not, start laughing.)

A Very VERY Merry Christmas.

One of the questions I get asked a lot of is how "true" my book is--how much of what I write really happened. Like I said in the beginning, it ALL really happened. (I'm not James Frey, people!)

Take this example, from the "A Christmas Story" chapter:

Another good example could be found in one of the city's most upscale malls, which had a massive two-story fake Christmas tree in its central rotunda. At first glance, it seemed fairly standard — green, check; oversized red star on top, check — until you moved in for a closer look and realized that the entire thing was made out of Heineken bottles, which would make for a very merry Christmas if nothing else, although the next morning would be a bitch.

Sound too bizarre to be true? It was--really, I'm not sure I could even make that up--and I have the pictures to prove it:

And a bit closer look:

I'll add more pictures in next few months--you do all want to see a tiger eating the chicken I bought, don't you? I thought so ...